Lessons from nearly 20 years as an estate planning attorney
TL;DR: After nearly 20 years as an estate planning attorney, I see the same patterns showing up again and again. No one teaches us how this process works, so people tend to walk in with similar misconceptions and make the same avoidable mistakes. Here’s an overview of what those patterns have taught me, and what I wish more people knew before making their end-of-life plan.
Nearly two decades is a long time to do any job. Do the same job long enough, and you can’t help but see patterns in the challenges people face and the misunderstandings that trip them up.
I earned my law degree at the University of Tennessee College of Law, practiced in northern Virginia, and founded Siedentopf Law in Atlanta in 2012, so I’m deeply familiar with estate law in Georgia.
Here’s what I’ve noticed during my time as an attorney.
The most common misconceptions about estate planning
“I don’t have enough money/assets to need a plan.”
This is the most common misconception, and it can do a lot of damage. The truth is, everyone needs an estate plan, regardless of what you own. And whether or not you need a more advanced type of plan (like a trust) doesn’t actually depend on your net worth; it depends on who you’re trying to protect.
If you have kids or own property, or if you’re taking care of family members who rely on you, you will very likely benefit from a bigger estate plan than a simple will.
“A will keeps my family out of probate.”
Actually, the opposite is true. A will is the document that goes through probate; it’s the instruction sheet for probate court, not a way to avoid it. This misconception is so common that our intake form regularly comes back with “avoid probate” and “I want a will” both checked, in the same form.
And yes, you might need a will—but if you want to avoid probate, you’ll need a trust too.
“A trust is only for wealthy people.”
Not in the way people mean. For most Georgia families, trusts aren’t about leaving your kids a private island and a yacht while you keep your lavish wealth in tax shelters. Their purpose is to keep families out of court, keep your affairs private, and provide more control over when and how your kids inherit.
You don’t need to be ultra-wealthy to have any of those goals, and setting up a trust is not a prohibitively expensive process.
Estate planning decisions that are easier than you think
Not long ago, a client finished our Design Meeting and said it was “the easiest meeting I’ve had all day.” I hear a version of that feedback constantly: “That wasn’t as bad as I thought; I wish I’d done it sooner.”
As with most things we procrastinate, the anticipation is almost always worse than the reality.
But people tie themselves in knots ahead of time, because they think they need to show up on day one with every part of their plan already decided. They think they need to agree on the perfect guardian, trustee, and division of assets. But this simply isn’t true.
You don’t have to walk in with answers ready.
In the Design Meeting, I’ll ask the questions that need answering. If you aren’t sure or are still talking through your choice with your significant other, I’ll suggest what tends to work well for families like yours. You can choose to follow that recommendation or use it as a starting point to decide what you’d change.
For instance, the question that paralyzes most people is usually who takes care of the children if you and your co-parent are both gone. When I say, “A lot of my clients choose a sibling with children of their own,” it gives you something to react to.
You might think, “Nope, definitely not my brother,” and that’s useful information. Suddenly, you’re closer to an answer than before. Most of the time, people just need some direction on what they’re supposed to be thinking about. No one has ever guided their thinking, because these questions feel scary and hard.
From experience, let me just say that making no decision at all is far worse than making a decision you decide you want to change later.
The top 3 estate planning mistakes
#1: The unfunded trust
I once worked with the family of a client who did everything right—on paper, anyway. They set up a trust, chose a professional trustee, and moved their real estate into the trust. So far, so good.
The problem was that they never moved any of their other accounts into the trust or updated the beneficiary designations to coordinate with it. Then they died unexpectedly. Most of my clients live very long lives, but sadly, this one didn’t. Because the trust wasn’t fully funded, their family had to drag assets through probate that were meant to stay outside it, which was sad for all involved.
Also, because the trustee couldn’t access the funds right away, the estate had no cash to operate with. The whole ordeal was unpleasant for the family and traced back to a trust that was signed but never fully funded.
An unfunded trust is the same as having no trust at all.
Note that you don’t necessarily need to move every account into your trust; most people choose the same person as their trustee and financial power of attorney, so there’s flexibility in how your assets are held.
But put at least one account in the trust so your successor trustee has cash available. A trustee with no accessible money can’t do their job.
#2: Dividing assets evenly
Another common mistake is dividing assets evenly. “Divide everything equally” may sound simple and fair at first, but “simple” and “equal” aren’t the same thing.
For example, imagine a plan that splits everything into equal thirds between two adult children and a charity. On paper, that sounds clean. In practice, there are lots of practical challenges to that setup, such as:
• Does that force the sale of the house? If one child wants to live there and there’s no cash to buy out the other shares, an equal split can force a sale. If others are involved in the split, they can get drawn into family politics.
• What about everything inside the house? A charity named as a one-third beneficiary generally doesn’t want to inherit any family memorabilia, but it may have a fiduciary duty to have those things appraised and sold, which can leave sentimental items as a challenge (and potential source of heartbreak) for everyone involved.
• Did they even mean it that way? Usually, the grantor imagines leaving a third of their liquid accounts to charity, not a third of literally everything. But in the eyes of the law, those are very different plans.
This isn’t to say that an even split is wrong, but what constitutes “even” merits a conversation. Sometimes, the right answer might mean leaving all your real estate to the kids and a share of your bank accounts to the charity. Sometimes, specific items should go to specific people because they have sentimental value for them. The point is: these decisions should be made intentionally, not as part of a throwaway “even split.”
#3: Making the plan too complicated
This one is an equal and opposite mistake: agonizing over every last piece of silverware. I’ve had clients grind the planning process to a halt by trying to assign every single item to a specific person, and then never finishing the list they swore they’d send me.
In case you need one, here’s a permission slip: you can sort out who inherits your great-grandmother’s china later. Please don’t hold up your entire plan while you’re stressing about it.
For good balance, here’s my advice: take the big structural decisions seriously, but don’t get lost in the weeds with the small stuff to the point that it paralyzes you. Once you get the basic framework right, the details can follow.
What good estate planning looks like
After enough years in this job, you can spot a plan that will hold up versus one that will crack under pressure.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about the plans that hold up:
- They’re complete. The trust is funded, beneficiary designations coordinate with the plan, and every named role has at least one named backup, just in case.
- They’re thorough enough to answer the big questions. I separate things out and cover contingencies in more detail than most attorneys do, and that’s on purpose. If a family comes back years later asking, “But what happens if this happens?” the answer needs to be in the document. A four-page trust usually can’t do that; there isn’t room to address the situations that real life throws at a plan.
- But: thorough is not the same as bloated. The other direction is just as problematic: that’s the 50-page document so dense that even an attorney struggles to understand who gets what and under which circumstances. I’ve struggled to read some of these myself, and if you need a law degree to understand an estate plan, it’s not protecting anyone.
In other words, a good plan is both complete and readable, with enough detail to cover real-life contingencies and written in language a normal human being (insert lawyer joke here) can follow.
The questions I wish more people asked
“What does the estate planning process look like?”
People rarely ask what to expect from start to finish, as in: how many meetings, what happens between drafting and signing, and what they need to do. Knowing the answers to these questions up front removes a surprising amount of anxiety.
(For what it’s worth: most of the work happens in a single Design Meeting, with your document review and signing afterward. The process takes much less time than most people assume.)
“Can you explain this specific part of the plan before I sign?”
To be clear: you should always read every legal document before you sign it. As a lawyer, I cannot stress this point enough. Estate plans are some of the most important legal documents you’ll ever sign, and they deserve a thorough readthrough long before you sit down to sign them in person.
Here’s what to look for before the signing meeting, in case you need anything clarified by your attorney:
- Check that the names are right. Yes, really. Other attorneys have misspelled my name on more than one legal document. I’ve also seen cases where a misused middle name in a beneficiary designation form created months of setbacks and legal fees.
- Understand the process. Make sure you understand how everything works. Ask specific questions about different components of the plan if you aren’t sure. Otherwise, you could end up with a plan you barely understand or know how to use.
“Are we both on board?”
In couples, one spouse usually drives the planning. That’s normal, but it can cause friction when the other person never really looks at the documents. This is a legally binding plan that governs both of your lives.
I do everything I can to make sure both spouses see and understand everything, but the strongest plans are the ones where everyone’s aligned and on the same page before the Design Meeting begins.
What’s changed in 20 years, and what has stayed the same
Probate has gotten slower and more demanding
The courts are staffed roughly the same as always, but years after COVID, they’re still working through an extensive backlog of cases. Smaller Georgia counties have often kept up okay, but several of the larger, busier counties have become badly backlogged, to the point where getting a straight answer or a timely filing can feel borderline impossible. (Imagine your standard bureaucratic red tape, but with a long backlog.)
We used to file almost everything by mail, but we can’t do that anymore because documents sometimes vanish. Now, we walk documents into court physically, which feels strange in 2026. It’s also another illustration of why avoiding probate entirely can protect your family’s sanity as well as their inheritance.
The estate tax exemption isn’t permanent
Decades ago, the federal estate tax exemption was far lower. At one point, it was a small fraction of what it is today. Now, it sits in the multi-millions per person, which has led people to assume estate tax is something only the ultra-wealthy will ever think about.
That number has moved up and down over time as laws and administrations change. If you’re planning for a long life, build flexibility into your plan; an exemption that feels irrelevant today may look very different in another 20 years.
Why this work matters to me
Estate planning has a reputation for being cold, complicated, and even a little scary, but I strongly believe that it shouldn’t be any of those things. The best plan for your family is the one you all fully understand, so your family can use it when the time comes. After nearly 20 years, protecting families in this way still feels very worthwhile.
If you’ve been putting off making a plan, consider this your nudge. Click here to book a strategy session.
